Today's laundry list actually includes laundry....

     I was told as a child that we don't air our dirty laundry in public. Well, for starters, in my neighborhood which is under the control of an HOA, we don't launder anything in public, it's against the rules, therefore, NO clotheslines. However, I'm not writing this to whine about that, but to talk about laundry. That's right folks, laundry.

     It all started a few years ago when I accidentally left a ball point pen in a white dress shirt pocket and my wife didn't see it and washed it along with some of her things. One of which was a brand new white blouse for which she had paid a significant sum of her hard earned money. Which, as she held it up to show me, eyes blazing, was now RUINED! thanks to me and my forgetful ways. Then the tears came.

     "I only got to wear it once and now YOU have RUINED it."

     I tried to explain, but let's face it, what could I say. She was right. Never mind the fact she didn't check my pockets, and the pen was probably in plain sight. And there was no smoking gun that ever proved it was me who did it. It was circumstantial evidence at best, but I must admit, she keeps her pens in her purse, and I keep mine in my pants pockets, shirt pockets or anywhere I might keep one because I don't carry a purse, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I digress. 

     There I was feeling guilty as a forgetful husband can feel, and with a great deal of bravado, said, "You forget I was in the laundry business for quite a few years, my dear, and I can take care of this stain. Give me that blouse." And, here's the really good part, I took that blouse, the white shirt and the other items that had ink on them and completely removed the ink. All through the magic of a little laundry product called Fels-Naptha soap. It's very effective and all it took was a little Fels-Naptha, some elbow grease and lots of patience. Anyway, a few minutes later I was standing in front of her with my biggest smile, holding up her blouse and saying, "Ta-Da!", triumphantly. 

     She had to admit that, indeed, I had done it. Then she said, "you are so good at this, you can start doing all the laundry."
      (To be fair, she works at our flower shop and I don't. I'm home all day trying to write the Great American Novel in my old age.) So, I agreed I would take over the laundry duties. Besides, I knew I would do a good job. You might think that would be the end of this. But, Noooo! She comes in while I'm doing laundry (that doesn't happen anymore as I don't do it when she's around) and then proceeds to tell me how to do it. 

     For instance, she says, "Wash my blouses with the little sequins and rhinestones on them inside out."
     "Why?" I ask.
     "So the little sequin and rhinestone thingies don't catch on each other and rip off."
     "Where did you learn that?"
     "Martha Stewart."
     "How the hell does she know anything about laundry, outside of that stint in prison?"
     "She's Martha Stewart, for God's sake - just do my blouses that way. Do whatever you want with your clothes."
     "I don't have little sequin thingies on my clothes," I point out. "In addition to which I spent 14 years of my life working in the detergent and laundry field. And was pretty good at it, I might add."
     So I did a little research into washing clothes inside out and pretty much a lot of people agree it seems like a good idea. However, all of the evidence is anecdotal. A few mention they have tried both ways and see no difference, but one person said it improved the look of her jeans by three times as much, and another said that cycling shorts faded immediately but when turned inside out, still looked as good as new two years later. To which I say - poppycock.
     Turning clothes inside out protects them from nothing, not water, rubbing against each other, chemicals and so on. In fact, turning a sequined shirt inside out, would more than likely assist the likelihood of snagging, because each little sequin would have all those other sequins to rub against and snag on. Common laws of physics. So, here's what I did. I started washing some of her tops inside out and others right side out. Guess what? The old dad was right. Over time, several of her tops lost a sequin or two when turned inside out, but not one of them lost a sequin or rhinestone when washed right side out. TA-DA! No longer anecdotal evidence, but empirical, scientifically proven evidence.
     So, all you wonderful people out there who wash things with sequins on them, take my advice. Do it anyway you want, but if you want to save your sequins and rhinestones from snagging and getting removed, wash them right side out. There are a lot of other ways to help, too. For example, by putting more water in your load, you decrease the mechanical action. A gentler wash means less likelihood of snags. And, vice-versa. If the clothes are a little dirtier than normal, decreasing the water will help, but additional detergent, a longer washing time and a little more heat (warm water, not hot) will also do the trick. And for you husbands, not doing the wash, do yourself a favor. Don't leave a pen in your shirt pocket, or, you might be spending a lot time in the laundry room.